Mental Illness, Motherhood and Adoption all in one pot.
As I sit here wondering about how the world keeps on, but I'm still without you, I ask myself, "What's the point of living?" I wake up every morning with a heavy heart because I want to be able to text you or call you, "Good Morning!" I want to be able to call you … Continue reading Mommy (Part 1)
I have recently just embarked on my journey to finding my birth family, three months ago. I had originally wanted to just find my birth mom, as the only information I have is for her. Though I have information on just my birth mom, I barely have enough to get too far in the beginning … Continue reading Journey to YOU
I hadn't understood what it meant to listen and care for my inner child before a few months ago. I know I keep saying "a few months ago" and it probably gets annoying to you at this point. But see it was only three months ago when I decided to come undone, and to head … Continue reading Acknowledging My Inner Child (Part 1)
(05.30) I am laying in bed in tears. My family sleeping. Just like every night, I lay here and think hard of the past, so I can figure out where my pain roots from. You see, the pain it's so deep. Sometimes when the pain traces so far down, you forget..You forget not because it's … Continue reading “Piece by Piece”
I am a shell with a soul. A soul, lost in translation. A soul of an infant, crying constantly. A soul, stuck. A soul, unable to sort through the motions of life. I carry so much weight surrounding the trauma from separating from my birth mother. Only now have I felt certain emotions, I've learned … Continue reading A Soul In a Shell
Every once in a while, I catch myself recite clichés such as, "nobody said life would be easy", or "these experiences will make you stronger". I realize that I only quarterly believed in it, enough to help me through the moments, but not enough to hold on to it. These cliches are not meant for … Continue reading “Who’s Keeping You” (Pt.2)
Today is my birthday. I successfully survived being an adoptee for thirty years. Whoa! Look at that! Today is one of those days where you can't help but hate yourself. You're not only aging, but time is taking back from you, and having to celebrate the milestones, so you can commemorate the milestones that will … Continue reading My First 8 Months – Twentynine to Thirty.
Mother's day is a day I never celebrated, until I became a mother, and gained a mother-in-law. Becoming a Mother Mother's Day is a day that brings about a lot of sadness and heartbreak. One that even now with three children for the last nine years, still manages to confuse my emotions. I remember my … Continue reading Mother(s)
Abandonment..over, and over, and over again. I don't remember much of my childhood, growing-up in The Philippines. The memories I have are only moments, bad moments. "..crying, in a stroller, holding my bottle and a chuppa-chip lollipop" I was quiet as a child, I can't remember when I came to live with my aunt and her … Continue reading “Who’s Keeping You” (Pt.1)